I spent years having a hate-hate relationship with Valentine's Day. It is a truly lonely day when you are single. You spend the day avoiding the perky girls with the 3 dozen red roses sitting on their desk, which can be difficult to do when they're accompanied by an 8 foot high mylar balloon bouquet and a vat of chocolate, and when it seems every cubicle in a thousand yard radius is occupied by the aforementioned perkiness. You note with irritation that it is really just a made-up holiday to make money for the card companies. You get bitter, and more than a little cynical about love in general.
Things have changed for me in the past few years. God put a man in my life. The one. And just like that, my perspective on so many things changed.
My husband and I both had first marriages that were... well... not what they were meant to be. I could tell some stories on both of us, but the important thing to take away is this: God was never invited into those marriages. There is a reason that Scripture tells us not to be unequally yoked.
When my first marriage ended, I was full of fear. That is not easy for me to admit, because I much prefer to be the tough one. I'm a fighter, after all. I was 28 years old, had two young children and a lot of excess baggage. I was scared of being alone, scared of never finding someone who truly loved me, scared of being a single parent... you name it, and I was scared of it. Don't get me wrong, I can pull off all kinds of bravado. I've got a great game face, but deep down inside... I was terrified. God did for me what He so often has to do... He brought me to my knees. In the Bible study I'm currently doing, I recently read that blessings are often received when one is kneeling. That is profound.
Once I started to get into His word, once I started to not just talk to Him, but listen as well... things started changing, but certainly not on my time schedule. Here I was, going to church every time the doors opened, spending time in prayer and study every day, trying really hard to do all the right things, to say the right things, because God had told me that He had someone for me. I had to rely on Him. I had to be obedient, which just so happened to include remaining celibate. Seriously? Celibate? But God... isn't that really for teenagers, and people who have never been married? Are You sure it applies to me too? Because let's be honest.... that's a tall order, and I'm a fan of... well, you know... non-celibacy. Well, fine... because You said he's out there... so I'm sure he's just around the next corner. Only he wasn't. Five and a half very looooooong years, I waited. Not patiently, mind you... but I waited all the same.
I prayed over the mystery man. I prayed he would be 6 feet tall with dark hair and dark eyes. I prayed that he would be a cowboy. I prayed that he would have integrity and be able to love my kids just like they were his. I prayed that he would be a godly man and a leader. I prayed that he would have a spine, and not take any of my crap. I prayed he would be aggressive yet gentle. I prayed that his smile would be just so.
I was introduced to Bob by a close friend and colleague. By then, I was getting a little impatient. I thought maybe, just maybe, I had misunderstood God. I mean, it's not like he audibly told me about this guy. What if my discernment was off? I wouldn't agree to meet this guy she wanted to introduce me to. Thanks, but no. However, my friend is persistent. She just kept talking about him, no matter how many times I said "Thanks, but no." She mentioned that he had a son who was four, and how devoted Bob was to him, and then she mentioned that he also had an eleven year old step-son who Bob had raised since age 2. She told me how even though Bob was no longer married to this boy's mother, that he still picked him up for visitation whenever he could. He still was very much part of this boy's life. That gave me pause. I was used to a man that didn't take care of his own kids, and here was someone who still loved his stepson so much that he wanted to continue to care for him after his divorce. Hmmm... well, that may mean he would be able to love my kids like his own as well... and well... that was on the list.
I agreed to meet him along with my friend for just a lunch. I knew when he walked in the door that this was the guy. You know... THE guy. While originally from Minnesota, he went to high school in Dallas -Fort Worth, and college in Lubbock. He's a cowboy alright... more in attitude than apparel, but a cowboy just the same. He's 6 feet tall, right on the money, with dark hair, dark eyes and a killer smile. Most importantly, he loves God, and leads a Christian household. He fit the bill. Not just a little bit... he met every requirement I threw up to God.... and you know what? He was so worth the wait.
He has a story too... about how God put me in his path right when he wasn't ready for it... when he had decided to be alone and focus on his career. There's more to it, but that's his story to tell... and I know how cool it is.
The reason our marriage works is because instead of the two of us... it's the three of us. God is in the middle, holding the two of us together. God's love is the love that counts. His love is the only True Love. He loved us enough to send and sacrifice His son.
Valentine's Day... it's still a bit of a made-up holiday. You certainly shouldn't wait for one day out of the year to celebrate your love for your significant other. It's still cheesy and flower-filled, and I still sometimes want to kick the perky girls with all the balloons.... but you know what else? It's also a little reminder that God put me with the man He had designed just for me. More than that, it's a reminder that the ultimate love is something we are incapable of giving. Agape love... we'll never quite measure up. We're imperfect, so we do envy, and we do boast... but God doesn't. He loves us with all our flaws, patiently, and perfectly.
4 Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8 Love never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. 9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. 13 And now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
So Happy Valentine's Day... because regardless of your relationship status... you are loved. You are fully and completely loved in a way you can't truly even imagine. Don't kick the perky girls, they're loved completely too, balloons notwithstanding.
